im so onfident for my physics test now though, actually got 31 on a paper without even cheating, thats like atleast a B! im really looking forward to result day, im hoping i get good enough grades for my mum to treat me to an iphone or a samsung galaxy s3 fingers crossed.i read a propper emotional note on facebook about premature babys this morning, i actually cried at it, t brought back so many memories of my little brother,but who would believe danny (ill put a piture of him below) was three months early? certainly not me, hes such a little fatty now!all grown up and independant!
The premmie experience is the shattering of all your dreams for a normal, healthy delivery, of the ability to carry home a beautiful squirming bundle after a short stay in the hospital.
It is lying in your hospital room listening to the happy sounds of whole families joined together by the birth of a grandchild, cousin, niece or nephew, and knowing that your child is miles away and may not survive long enough for you to see or simply touch.
It is the first glimpse of a skinny, scrawny, not much bigger than a Barbie doll child and feeling fear, awe, and joy for such a fragile soul.
It is sitting by your baby's "bedside" day after day, week after week, month after month, alternating between the emotional high of "Look, her eyes are open," or "She's crying!" and the lows of "I'm sorry. Something has shown up on the ultrasound," or even " There is nothing more we can do......"
It is hearing the alarms go off for the twentieth time in less than fifteen minutes because your child's heart rate keeps hitting zero.
It is watching children dying around you, wondering if your child will be next.
It is hearing your child's cry of distress as the nurses insert yet another IV or do another round of daily blood tests.
It is meeting other parents of children who are doing better and wondering, "why me?" And meeting parents of children who have just died and praising God for His mercy to your child and feeling guilty because your child is alive and someone esle is grieving for theirs.
It is the days of nightmarish tests and coping with less than positive results from them.
It is days of joy at seeing the first eyelash appear, the child gain a whole ounce in a day and two bright shiny eyes look at you and into your soul, or perhaps looks at you and does not see you at all.......
It is the final hurdle before coming home!
It is the joy of just being away from all those nurses and tubes and wires and beeps, and walking into a nursery you hastily prepared because, after all, the child wasn't due for another three months!!
It is thinking the nightmare is over.....only to realise that it still continues in the form of such acronyms as PVL, RSV, BPD, CP and numerous others. It is the final realisation that these developmental delays have to be dealt with, that reflux is a normal and unfortunate occurrence in most premmie's, that the constant fight to gain weight is in direct proportion to a premmie's inability to do so.
It is watching a child struggle to pick up his or her head, sit, crawl, or walk.
It is witnessing only silence when the child should be babbling because the child cannot hear.
It is the mental images of a child running and playing with other in a perfectly normal manner that are marred when you face years of therapy in order to simply get the child to eat by himself or herself, or talk, or walk and then run.
The premmie experience is a journey....... a journey through your soul in order to find the faith and strength to cope, ajourney of the mind when you face the emotional weariness, a journey of the heart...to accept that, no matter what, this child is yours, and you will love this child no matter what!
Sandra Moore, "The Premmie Experience"
wow, i know right.
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